Since my son started high school in September, I have had to face up to the fact that I really can’t keep him wrapped up in cotton wool for very much longer but it has been so, so hard to let go and it’s not getting any easier *sigh*
He is twelve now and when I think back to when I was his age, I know that I was allowed to do much more than I allow him to do and it is becoming clear that his friends are allowed much more freedom than him too. I just find it so hard though to let go but on the other hand, I don’t want him to lose friends because I am over-protective and he isn’t allowed to stray as far as they do. But at what age are you supposed to say, okay then, off you go.. and not actually know here they are or what they are doing..? I don’t know if I will ever be comfortable with that if I’m being completely honest.
At the moment, we allow him to walk to school with a group of his friends. They call for him on their way and they all walk the very quiet and short ten minute journey together. And I’m just about alright with this. I would never expect him to let me walk him to school with his sisters in tow, imagine the poor kid’s utter embarrassment? And coming home from school, he used to meet me in the middle of his journey at the primary school where I collect one of my daughters but just recently, he has started to walk all the way home, again with friends.
We let him go to call for friends but only if something has been arranged before hand, say at school or by text. But in the very little freedom that we give him, I know exactly where he should be and he always has his mobile phone with him and a time to be home by. I don’t just let him ‘play out’ like many of his friends now seem to be doing. I just can’t stand the thought of him just being out – not really knowing where or what he is doing. I’m fine with him playing at a friend’s house but I can’t let him just wander the streets. The new thing at the minute as well seems to be for his friends to play at the park together and I’m not comfortable with this either. It is a good fifteen minutes walk away from our house and it is on the outskirts of the village and when he asks if he can go meet his friends there, alarm bells just go off in my head and I just can’t let him. Cue lots of stomping and sulking from him *sigh*
We are lucky to live in a really nice quiet village but that doesn’t necessarily make it safe. Like so many parents I do worry that the worst will happen. And although statistics tell us that our children are no more in danger today than we were as children, that doesn’t make me feel any better. Besides which, it isn’t all about kidnapping fears, it is about very real road safety fears and also being so young I do worry about him being picked on or being led astray by older children. I’m sure that many of my son’s friend’s parents must have the same worries though but still they are able to give their children so much more freedom..
I am always aware of the fact that him being my eldest means that the problems we encounter, are usually new ones. I know that I shouldn’t wrap him up in cotton wool and that this is the time when I should perhaps be giving him that bit more freedom, but I am finding it so difficult. And this of course is making him think that I am the meanest mummy in the world but part of me thinks, do you know what, I don’t care as long as I know you are safe. The small bits of freedom that I have given him already have been such a huge deal for me to be able to do and I’m just not ready to let the reins any looser for now.
Parenting eh?! Just when you think you have it sussed, you reach whole new chapters that you never quite feel prepared for *groan*
Photo credit: On the swings – Believer9/Flickr
I never know what to do. I never know what age is acceptable for them to play out, or stay at home alone for 5 minutes while you dash to the postbox.
My dilemma is my two daughters are really mature and trustworthy. But then again, you would probably trust your kids during most situations, its other people you cant. The girls in year 4 and 5 want to cycle home from school together as it seems every other child in their respective classes do so.
I tried the journey myself and it took 25 minutes on bike. That’s really kind of far away from home? Too far?
It’s really hard isn’t it? And it makes it hard as well when ‘everyone’ else seems to be allowed and they’re not..
It IS hard to let them go, but you have to do it. My eldest was walking to school and playing out at that age – and no mobiles then! He did have to tell me where he was going, and I told him what time to be back. I don’t think it’s any more dangerous now, we just hear more about the few times it happens and more accidents happen in the home than anywhere else!
Thanks so much for that – so helpful to speak to somebody who has already been through it! I know you’re right and I really appreciate the comment x
I am dreading the time when my oldest, who is now 10, goes off to high school. She seems so trusting and as much as we warn her about the wider world she has this she’ll be right attitude which worries me half to death. It is hard to balance their need for freedom with our parental concerns. Good luck hun, it’s a really tough issue to work out. xx
I think it’s hard as well trying to make them aware of the big wide world but without scaring them to death! I’m finding it so difficult : (
Aww big giant hugs twinny. I can only imagine what you are going through mine are still little and under my control. Which I am hoping to keep them that way but I know I can’t. I am sure I will be the same as you not wanting them out of my sight but I suppose we need to one day. So tough and I feel for you. xx
I know you’ve said before about if only we could keep them at the age they’re at now forever eh? x
Ohhhh I’m so dreading this! My son is 3 and we live at the end of a cul de sac in the quietest, ‘safest’ of villages but in a first floor appt.with no garden. All the kids are out in the field at the back of our house from 1yr to 17 so I can see the Q coming in a year or so ‘can I go and play with them?’ when I’m too busy to supervise. The kids here really do all look out for each other, but is that enough??
I sympathise with your dilemma! Good luck xx
I think there is something to be said for safety in numbers for sure – but I know what you mean – how do you know if that is enough?
Gah! I have all of this to come, and I’m dreading it.
It’s really difficult to decide what’s ok and what’s not, and of course you have to be comfortable with it.
Could there be a compromise? Perhaps you could drive him to and from the park? Or perhaps say it’s ok if he’s walking there and back with his friends? Safety in numbers and all that?
Good luck, I imagine it must be really tough x
I think it is definitely going to have to be a case of somehow finding a compromise, as you say, but it’s still v tough!
I feel for you.
My boys are 4 and 1 so i have a long way to go.
You knw you can’t wrap him up in cotton wool forever. All you can do is give him the right morals, understanding and keep your relationship honest and open. After all, as he gets older, he may start doing these things anyway, behind your back.
I’m not sure i’m best placed to be giving advice, soz. You have to do what you’re comfortable with and it seems your rationale is very well thought through and you’ve tried to be fair.
best of luck. i’ll be there before long.
x
I’ll warn you now – you’ll be there before you know it – honestly!! I know time has just flown by for me ; )
Am totally with you on this issue. I am dreading it. We live on a remote farm and Amy is going to need fetching and carrying wherever she goes, which, because of her special needs, might not be too far anyway. But letting go is extremely hard. No one tells us how hard, we just have to discover it for ourselves, but at the end of the day, you’re a wonderful parent and your son won’t stray far because he won’t want to. Sometimes though, we need to let them explore because it’s the only way they will really learn.
Big hugs from a cotton wool mum.
CJ xx
Awww, thanks so much for such a lovely comment and it is nice to hear that so many of us are cotton wool parents x
You are so right – I think you do have to let them have that bit more freedom so they can learn and become independent – but it is so hard!
I don’t envy you at all, I’ve no idea how I’ll handle it. I’ve struggled enough this week with my return to work, letting go of being the one who does everything for her everyday even tho I know she’s being spoilt rotten at her grandparents. Good luck x
Aww thank you and good luck to you too – going back to work is a tough one too – been there and done that when my first two were teeny xx
Aw this is such a tough one… your doing the right thing tho. They will always want to push the boundaries, we just have to be strong Danielson! xxx
Aww, thank you! It is so hard when he is pushing for more and more freedom – I’m just not ready to let go yet – he’s my baby! But I do know that I can’t keep him locked up and wrapped in bubble wrap forever unfortunately ; )
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