There is no doubt that you are the cutest of kittens but I think we need to take a moment and have a word or three little one.
We love having you around, we really, really do. But when you bite our toes? Not so much. Yes, I know the children find going downstairs for breakfast every morning as something as an adventure as you dive at us, biting our feet. But every morning, Pixie? Can’t we at least have weekends off? I don’t quite know what the fascination with toes is but it really, really hurts!
I love how you leap at me without any warning and hang off my arms or legs but can we please arrange to only do this when I’m not wearing one of my very favourite maxi dresses? I know I must be a terrible tease looking like a human assault course but little claw pulls are really not a good look. But I guess you wouldn’t quite get that as your fur coat always looks so perfect.
Now, we were a little worried about how our dear old lady cat would take to having a kitten about the house, but I am so glad that we couldn’t have been more wrong. She loves you so much and I will thank you forever for bringing her back to life. I think the poor old thing was actually getting a bit tired and lonely and you have brightened up her days no end. I know she pretends not to like it when you spend hours washing her, but I’m sure she likes it really. (Besides which, she hasn’t looked so clean in years so keep up the good work!) And it is so so clever how you have figured out which is her blind eye, so that you attack her from that side, that really keeps the dear old thing on her toes! Although, to be fair, I’m not sure if her ticker can take much more so maybe attack her from the other side from time to time, just to give her a fighting chance.
We love how you don’t know how to meow but instead favour a sound that’s a bit like a squeaky wheelbarrow but just a tip, when you are out there on the not so mean streets of our leafy village, you may wish to refine this or else be at risk of being ridiculed by the cat community at large. And while we are at it, when you do the whole spiky back and puffy up tail thing? You look more sweet than scary, Pixie – you’re just too small to pretend to be big and mean and I don’t think you will quite pull it off with that big tomcat at the end of our street. Failing that, not to worry as we do have cat insurance.
So there we have it, Pixie. Just a few, small details I’m sure you’ll agree.
Forever your loving owner,
(mostly) yummy mummy x