I can’t stand soft play centres.
But, having four children means that they are pretty hard to avoid. And my four year old started school in September and it feels like she is being invited to soft play birthday parties every other week. Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration there but you know how it is. As soon as the little angels start school, they also start on the party circuit and the soft play party has to be the worst.
I just can’t stand the places. They smell of sweaty socks for starters. And I don’t even want to think about the germs that lurk in those places. We’ve all heard the tales of the time some over excited Fruit-Shooted-up-to-the-eyeballs child puked in there. Or worse. I’ve even heard tales of dirty nappies being fished out. Need I go on?
Why do they all play dodgy 90’s club music too? It feels so wrong to be listening to music that takes me back to distant memories of Blastaways and fake IDs. I was a classy teen. *cough* There really is something quite alarming to see your children play with Whigfield being blasted over the sound system or is it just me? It’s even more alarming when you find yourself tapping your toes or singing along…
The staff are always disinterested teenagers who don’t so much as crack a smile. Can’t blame them really being stuck in those hell holes but still, does make you wonder what they thought the job would entail when they applied for it!? The most coveted spot of course seems to be supervising the death slide. They sit there usually chipping off their nail varnish out of sheer boredom while the children slide their way to death. By death of course I mean the germ pit of a ball pool. See above.
Then comes the plastic food, whilst sitting on plastic chairs, drinking out of plastic cups. Followed by the blowing out of the candles and the handing out of the awful crap filled party bags. It’s all quite rubbish really, isn’t it? And they’re not cheap either!
Yet the children of course, have a ball. And I guess that’s what it’s all about. It is their birthday after all. But that doesn’t make them any more pleasant or am I just an awful mummy?!
I know for a fact that now that my four year old has been introduced to the wonders of soft play birthday parties, that in a couple of months time when she turns five, that’s what she will want too. I don’t think we can get away with a lovely family party at home this year. And just like her older siblings before her, I will no doubt give in. *fixes grin*