Feeling guilty about.. well.. not feeling guilty..

In thirteen years of being a Mummy, I have never actually been away from my children for the night. Let alone hot footing it to London for the weekend to meet hundreds of strangers from the internet. (Oh my goodness, is that just me or does that sound like madness unless you are in blogging circles?!)

Obviously, as my eldest children have become older, they have been away on sleepovers and even residential school trips where they have been away separately. But I have never actually ever been the one doing the going away! Even when I had my third baby I was home within a few hours of giving birth. And my fourth baby was of course a homebirth. So this weekend is going to be huge first for me.

Something tells me that I should feel guilty for going off for a child-free weekend but can I let you into a little secret?

*whispers* I can’t wait.

Does that make me terrible?

I’m a stay at home mummy to four young children and it is quite literally 24/7. My Other Half works so hard and so the whole looking after the house and the children falls heavily on my shoulders – and that is not a problem. At all. In fact I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way. But as I’m sure anyone in the same boat can understand, it is pretty relentless. And I’m quite looking forward to snatching some time for myself for the very first time. A whole weekend to please myself. To hear myself think. To not have to wipe anybody’s nose.

Of course, it’s not like I’m leaving my offspring to fend for themselves. Daddy Daycare will be taking very good care of them. And they couldn’t be in better hands. In fact I’m scared that they will have such a good time that they won’t want me to come home! I have cancelled the organic veg box this week though as I very much doubt that he’ll be doing anything exotic with a courgette while I’m gone. And I don’t expect any housework to be done for the whole weekend. And of course it goes without saying that they will be dressed like street urchins as on the very rare occasion that he dresses them, you can guarantee that he will pick out the strangest and most uncoordinated clothes that are in their wardrobes. Plus the fact that if the girls tell Daddy that they always wear their best party dresses with wellies to make mud pies in the garden that he won’t question them. But that’s just it. They will have a ball. I know it. And leaving them in such capable hands of course makes it much easier for me to go off and enjoy myself.

Part of me thinks that I should feel terribly guilty but if it were the other way around and it was my Other Half going away, which he sometimes does on business, I know that he wouldn’t think twice about it. And why should he? And I wouldn’t want him to either! But all the same, I can’t help but think that I need to make the house spotless before I go, leave a fridge full of lasagne and bake enough bread to last them a month. Just in case. I think part of it is that I feel guilty for not feeling guilty about doing something for myself for once. And of course I don’t want them to manage too well without me or else I could feel quite redundant.

I am terribly nervous about travelling down to London on my own, it has to be said. But the excitement of the weekend ahead is by far overtaking any feelings of anxiety and that’s good, right? I can’t wait to see my hotel, to sleep like a star fish in a bed all to myself (a full nights sleep – how novel!) to go out for drinks with my lovely cyber pals after waiting so long to meet them, out for dinner without having to chop up anybody’s food for them and then there is CyberMummy itself – the biggest day of the year in UK parenting blogging circles!

I have so much to look forward to and I am insanely excited! And I’m determined to enjoy every single minute of it. And that’s okay, right..?  


30 thoughts on “Feeling guilty about.. well.. not feeling guilty..

  1. Kate says:

    Fine by me, hon.

    Don’t forget to let me know what time your train arrives and if it fits, we’ll come meet you at the station.


    • (mostly) yummy mummy says:

      Thank you Kate. I’m actually planning on getting a cab straight from the station to the hotel now as the idea of getting the tube was making my head melt! But thank you though! And I shall see you at Sandy’s bash on Friday night 🙂


  2. Kate says:

    I posted almost exactly the same thing the other day! Some time to yourself is important and a happy mummy makes for a happy home! Enjoy that non-mummy time!! x


  3. Anne says:

    I can’t believe you have not had a night away before, how have you stayed so balanced?
    You will have such a good time and you will think about what they might be doing but that just shows you love them. BUT this is your trip so enjoy every second without too much guilt. I will be pottering around London at a wedding off Regent Street so don’t laugh if you see me in an outgareous hat!


  4. Susan Mann says:

    Of course it’s ok. I’m going through the same thing about another trip. I don’t feel as bad when hubby is with me but one I’m going without him I feel guilty. Your kids will miss you and be happy to see you back. With pressies of course. x


  5. Michelle Twin Mum says:

    Totally OK. I do not feel guilty either! I have left my kids overnight a few times before with daddy. I think every mummy should have at least 1 weekend away with the girls each year! but yes, I come home and they are dressed like urchins!

    My kids picked me up the other day when Daddy had them and they girls were in cut-off summer leggings, jumpers and boots with unbrushed hair – it was not my chosen look!

    Mich x


  6. Lucy (theprojectlab) says:

    I don’t think you need to feel guilty for not feeling guilty (if you know what I mean!). I’m not feeling guilty about leaving E and as you know he’s still little 🙂 The way I see it is I get a ‘me’ day and Mr B gets the chance to spend a full day with little one. Win win! Can’t wait to say hi on Saturday, Lx


  7. Five Go Blogging says:

    OMG it is totally ok! I am insamely jealous having only had 1child free night since the birth of my 1st almost 7 years ago. That was a hen night and resolutely stayed relatively sober so I could fully enjoy the hotel star fish bed experience. Bet you find a little box of raisins in your handbag 😉


  8. LJB @ crankymonkeys in london says:

    It’ll be a great weekend 🙂 I am amazed as well that you’ve never had a night away from the kids – my oldest is 6 and I have “shipped him off” to grandma’s in another country for a few weeks every summer since he was 2.5. I’m already fantasising about next summer when BOTH boys will be with grandma for 2 weeks 😀 Just don’t feel guilty, the kids love it (staying with dad or with grandparents) and it’s so good for you too.


  9. Lulu says:

    How fabulous! I hope CyberMummy and the starfishing is everything you’ve dreamed of. And next year I want to come too!

    Lulu xxx


  10. Mama Pea Pod says:

    Enjoy! ‘ME-time’ is important for Mummy too. And since you can’t get it for a single second at home (even in the bathroom), you’ve got lots of ‘me-time moments’ saved up for a trip like this!

    New follower visiting from Networked Blogs!


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