The law of sod means that when on a very long train journey, you will end up next to somebody with ants in their pants and the smelliest smokey bacon flavoured crisps in the world.
A hotel room strewn with makeup and clothes with Prince blaring on the iPad whilst you are getting ready to go out will instantly make you think that you are a teenager again. But you’re not.
Playing ‘spot the mummy blogger’ in the bar is a much harder game that you could ever imagine. Who’d have thunk it?
Going out for a meal the night before is such a fabulous ice breaker.
Being able to tweet loud and proud is really quite refreshing. Nowhere else except in the company of bloggers is it socially acceptable, nay encouraged, to have your nose in your iPhone.
On the morning of CyberMummy, almost falling face first into the pavement (before you have even found the Naked Wines stall) is not a good start.
Maxi dresses that are a little too long and wedges that are a little too high can be a lethal combination. See above.
Standing in line outside The Brewery when Sarah Brown walks past carrying a huge box (which you later find out contains a cake that her son has bought in an auction and she now had to cart back to Scotland) is really quite surreal.
Spending hours deliberating over which pictures to have on your gorgeous Moo cards means that you will of course forget to take them out of your suitcase on the day. Oh yes.
Getting hot and flustered at the start of the day results in the worst hair day ever. And there will be photographic evidence and even video footage as a hideous reminder of just how bad it was.
You will meet friends that you have been talking to forever and a day online with and they will be just as you expected them to be. Only even nicer. Who’d have thought that was even possible?
You will forget to take photos. And really wish that you had when you get back.
People will be truly shocked at just how much you look like your Twitter avatar. This will only bemuse you and leave you not quite knowing what to say as it is, umm, just me.
It’s okay not to feel comfortable with the whole PR and networking thing. In fact it’s a nice reminder of what your blog is about, you know? This is my hobby. That’s all. And that’s okay.
Being in a room with over four hundred people who you have never met before can really be quite overwhelming. And by overwhelming I mean like a blogger in headlights oh my god why did I ever think I could do this kind of way.
Eating bangers and mash out of a cardboard box with a plastic spoon makes for a rather strange lunch.
Banoffee pie can be too sweet. Words I never thought I would say.
Such a crazy day means that you don’t get to meet so many people who were right at the very top of your ‘I really must meet’ list. And you will kick yourself for this afterwards. Similarly you will kick yourself for not being brave enough to pluck up the courage to speak to those people that you do spot.
Sitting next to someone for a whole workshop and not realising who they were until they tweet you later can make you blush.
Smiling sweetly means that the lovely man at the after party agrees to top up your bowl of barely touched Twiglets with tortilla chips.
Sloping off for a quiet meal with three lovely new friends who you have never met before can be a really nice way to round off the craziest day of your life.
Bags of swag are very heavy. Hence half of them I didn’t even collect and the other half did not make it out of the hotel room let alone home to Yorkshire.
Not sleeping in until noon on your first opportunity in thirteen long years is such a complete waste. Although lazing around with room service a call away, breakfast in bed and an iPad for company is a rather nice way to spend a morning.
Spotting a friendly face in the middle of the awfulness that is Kings Cross can make you smile from ear to ear.
Coming home is the best feeling in the world. Home sweet home has never felt so sweet.