You know when you have so much to do that you honestly don’t know where to start?
I seem to have reached a point of feeling like that every single day *sigh*
When my youngest started nursery this year, I was absolutely devastated at the thought of ‘losing’ my baby but she settled in so amazingly well that I couldn’t see it as anything but a good thing. She was getting so much from it and I started to think that maybe I could get used to the idea of having a couple of hours to myself every day. I could catch up on boring housework stuff but without interruption so I would fly through it, I would get time to myself to finally make a dent in my ever growing pile of books to be read, I would have hours to write without having my train of thought interrupted, I could work out instead of having to do at stupid o’clock after the little ones are tucked up. But it just hasn’t turned out that way. In theory, I have never had so much time to myself in years but in practice? I feel like I have never had so little time. Not just for me but for all the housewifey type duties too. I just feel like I’m constantly chasing my tail.
Mornings are manic getting up and three of them off to school. Then it’s home with my three year old but now that she is in nursery from lunchtime, I feel like our mornings just disappear. Then I’m back from the nursery run but before I know it, it’s time to go and pick them all up again. Then of course my older children have a million and one clubs and activities after school not to mention normally ending up with extra children around to play and homework to be done. Then I have dinner to make before I am on to the hell that is bathtime and bedtime. Life is just mad right now. And whilst I honestly and truly wouldn’t have it any other way, I can’t help but sometimes feel lost in the whirr of it all.
One of the main problems is keeping on top of the housework. Just tidying, not even real cleaning, seems to eat up so much of my time. I swear my children spend their time taking everything upstairs that should be downstairs and downstairs what should be upstairs for me to put it all back again. And ironing. If I don’t iron every single day, I swear the pile gets so big that if it were to avalanche that I would possibly lose a small child. It’s just lots and lots of little things that just add up and up making the smallest of tasks seem somehow much bigger because of the overall sinking feeling that I am just a rubbish housewife right now.
I know that I’m lucky to be able to stay at home. Really very lucky. Many of my mummy friends have all of this plus hold down a job outside the home too. In fact, I used to be one of those mummies and now don’t know how I ever did it. If I’m struggling now, how did I ever manage when I was working a forty hour week on top of my mummy duties?
I don’t even feel like I have the right to moan if I’m being honest. I have all I ever wanted after all. What is wrong with me? When did it all become so overwhelming? And more importantly, how on earth do I get back on track?
From time to time, and now more than ever, everything just feels like too much.