Getting there

I wobbled over whether I should blog about my miscarriage or not but I’m glad that I did. Talking has helped. More than I realised it ever would actually. As has crying buckets and being smothered in love.

The promise of bacon sandwiches has got me out of bed every morning. And my gorgeous children have kept me from creeping back. There’s a lot to be said for having to carry on with some sort of normality for their sakes. They’ll probably never know about our baby that wasn’t meant to be. And they’ll never know why I’ve been squeezing them that little bit too long and too tight. But it has all helped.

I am usually pretty crap at knowing what to say to others at times like this, terrified of saying the wrong thing. But I realise now that you don’t actually have to say much at all. I’ve been sent the most lovely messages of genuine support and the best cyber snogs. I’ve also been astounded and heartbroken by just how many other women have been through this hell too.

And to the friend who isn’t quite sure what to say so you keep me company until silly o’clock in the morning playing Draw Something when sleep evades me? That has helped too. Honestly and truly. More than you will ever realise.

I have really bloody amazing friends who will never quite know how much they have helped.

And I have an even more amazing man.

I’m getting there. I think.

20 thoughts on “Getting there

  1. sue white says:

    so sorry to hear your news it happened to me many years ago inbetween my youngest daughter and my son xxx

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  2. itsamumsworld says:

    Aw honey, I’m only just catching up on all things cyber, but I’m sending you the hugest squishiest cyber cuddles that there are. I have a friend who is going through the exact same thing at the moment, and while I can’t imagine what it’s like, I’m assured that squishy cuddles can help. Thinking of you. xxxx

    PS. I totally suck at Draw Something and being a veggie I can’t really vouch for the quality of my bacon butties either, but I’d happily have a go at either if it could make you feel a teeny bit better. x

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  3. Karen says:

    Sorry to hear what’s happened, glad you have such fantastic support around you. my SIL lost a baby 3 weeks ago at 10 weeks and it’s such a tragedy. Be gentle and kind to yourself in the coming weeks x

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  4. marisworld says:

    It’s hard isn’t it? I’m catching up after a long time but couldn’t read and run. Don’t underestimate the loss and give yourself plenty of time because as they say ‘time is a great healer’
    Your emotions and thoughts can go a bit nuts after an mc, sending you a big hug and I’m here if you need support but drawing is not my forte 😉 xx

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  5. Kate AG says:

    Sending you more hugs, you know how crap I am at draw something but I hate the smell of bacon so you’re stuck with my doodles I’m afraid!

    Sadly, I know how you’re feeling right now, and all I can say is it will get easier with time. Nothing will make it all better right away for you, but it will hurt less soon.

    Take care of yourself.

    X

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  6. icklebabe says:

    Aw hunni, im so so sorry im late reading this. Im sending you so much love and good wishes through this screen i hope you can maybe feel them a bit 😉 I completely understand, especially at the mo when your littliest( like mine) is growing up. I know i would secretly be thrilled if i got pregnant right now. Its such a huge thing to have that dream shattered, even if you didn’t even know you were dreaming it, if that makes sense? Lots and lots of hugs sweet friend, take it very slowly xxxx

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  7. Rachael says:

    Hey, I read your last post & didnt comment… Don’t know why. Perhaps fear of saying the wrong thing… I’ve been there, before my son, and its tough. Time does heal but I know that probably sounds like a meaningless platitude right now. Your children may sense more than u think…. I remember certain times in my childhood thinking ‘Mummy extra cuddles’ but it wasn’t til years later I learned she had several miscarriages at these times… Glad you have great friends and a supportive partner to help you through this. We have only just met but I am thinking of you and offer extra cuddles for whenever you need them x

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  8. Transatlantic Mom (@TransatlantiMom) says:

    I’ve been thinking about your post and I’m glad you wrote it. It’s taken me a day or two to think about it and come back to comment. It wasn’t until it happened to me as well that you realize how other people you never new about around you have gone through similar things, and are there to support you. It’s not easy, and don’t let people’s platitudes etc get you down. No matter how far along in pregnancy, you start making plans, creating a new mental picture of family, I get that. Like losing any loved ones – it’s not that it gets easier, it just gets less hard. I’m thinking of you and your family and am glad to hear you’ve got great IRL friends and extra cuddles from the kiddos – those help a lot. Wishing you all the best.

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  9. Sally says:

    Having been exactly where you are, I know exactly what you’re going through. And no-one can imagine how hard it is unless you’ve been there. My LLO would have been 2 in couple of months, but I still miss her and I always will. Sending you oodles of love.
    Sally. http://www.dorothyandtheodore.com.
    Because practical can be beautiful.

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  10. Sal says:

    Ive only just found your blog and I am so so sorry to read this – I am sending you a big hug and to let you know you and your family are in my thoughts!!!
    Love Sal x

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