I have a feeling that if I had written this post a few weeks ago as I intended, that it would have been very different. But technology has not been my friend of late. My craptop died and I was without it for weeks and weeks only to get it back and break it again. I know, I know! So the last month or so has seen me have to borrow the Mr’s beloved MacBook when I could which was far from ideal as he made me a nervous wreck using the thing. I think me making a joke about spilling my coffee on it didn’t get us off on the right foot but honestly, he loves that thing more than is natural. Anyway, I digress. Being laptopless meant that I haven’t been free to blog as and when I please like I usually do, so time has meant that this post has actually taken on a whole new turn.
Had I have written this three or so weeks ago, I would have talked about just how sad I was. How it was an end of an era. And these things are still true. But I’m beginning to see that this doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, I couldn’t be more content. You see, after the best part of fourteen years (with a big gap in the middle) we have taken down the cot in our bedroom. Something that I have been avoiding for far too long. Something that was long overdue. Seeing it all in bits leaning against the wall actually made me catch my breath. And yes there were tears. Our room suddenly felt so empty without the cot at the foot of our bed. Such an end of a very big era for us.
It’s strange just how emotionally attached you can become to something as silly as a cot. I wouldn’t mind but it is a long time since my four year old ‘baby’ was sleeping in there. In fact, to be fair even when she was little enough to sleep in there she didn’t spend much time in the thing. Just like her siblings before her, she preferred to be with Mummy and Daddy in the big bed. And that’s just how I liked it too.
But saying goodbye to the cot meant that we were saying goodbye to babydom of course. That acceptance that our beautiful brood are getting bigger by the day and also that our family is complete. No more babies. A decision that I never thought that I would ready to make. I have always said never say never when it comes to having more children but not any more. I’ve finally reached that point when I can hand on heart say that our family, our beautiful big family, is in fact complete. And I feel so amazingly content.
I’m not normally very good with change so I’m not entirely sure where this sudden clarity has come from. Maybe all the crap that we’ve been through this year has made me count my blessings like never before. Don’t get me wrong, I have always felt so incredibly blessed to have the family that I have but until this year, I had never truly understood just how fragile life is. I can hardly remember a time when I haven’t had a baby attached to my hip and I’ll cherish my memories of those precious early years forever of course. But now it’s time to say goodbye to those baby years and time to look forward to what is yet to come. And I’ve realised that change doesn’t always have to be scary after all. It can even be a good thing. Who knew?