Back to school.
Those words used to fill me with dread when it was me wearing the itchy new uniform and they still do today *sigh*
Now they mean the end of a fabulous summer holiday. The end of lazy mornings and lapsed bedtimes. I think our family is much happier when the children can be slightly feral. Nobody ever died from going to bed with mucky knees and eating too many pain au chocolat, right? I love having a house full of children. I love that being at home with them means that we are free from routine and clock watching. In the last six weeks, we managed to find that perfect balance of getting away on holiday, lots of days out and long lazy days at home too. But as always, the summer holidays were over way too fast and I feel like I’ve come crashing down with a huge bump this week.
I hate the monotony that comes with going back to school. The packed lunches that have to be made. The homework that you have to nag to get done. Forgotten lunchboxes and lost PE kits the second day into term (Yes. Really.) Different children having to be in different places at different times. That feeling of being worried sick to the very pit of your stomach that they are having a nice day that doesn’t ease no matter how many years you have been doing this back to school thing (Or at least for me it hasn’t.) Three of mine went back to school this week. They’ve all had a really good week which is such a huge relief. The kind of relief that makes you burst into tears without warning.
But come next Monday, it will be all change again. My baby starts full time school. Right now, this is looming over me like a huge dark cloud. Just thinking about her starting school makes me a blubbering wreck. I don’t know how I am going to get through that first morning. I will though. Because I have to. Lucky for me, my four year old has been looking forward to this day for as long as I can remember and is more excited than an excited thing. I imagine that her bravery will go a long way in helping me paint on my happy face as I wave goodbye. I will miss her so much. So so much. Just like I have her siblings before her. Starting school is always a huge milestone but I can’t help but think that for me at least, it’s an even bigger milestone as she is our baby. Our last ever baby.
It’s the end of such a huge era for all of us. My little girl is so ready for school and I can’t wait to see the little person that she will become. I can’t wait to see her thrive in this the start of her exciting journey into school life. But it’s only natural that at the same time, I am struggling with the fact that this is the end of our baby days. Really struggling in fact. More than I ever expected. I was kidding myself into thinking that I was okay with it all. I’m really not. She hasn’t even started school yet and I already feel completely lost.
Somebody pass the tissues please *sob*