Ugh. What a week.
My four children all headed back to school on Wednesday and it wouldn’t be an understatement to say that I was dreading it. I love having them all at home for the holidays at the best of times but this summer just felt like the best ever. And also the quickest summer ever and I just didn’t want it to end. Don’t get me wrong, having four children is hard work, especially when you have a mix of little ones and teens. Keeping everybody happy is never easy but somehow it felt like we cracked it this year.
When I came back to an empty quiet house on Wednesday, I cried my eyes out. Big fat snotty tears that ended up in me falling asleep in an exhausted heap. Silly I know. I was an emotional wreck. I missed them from the second I waved them goodbye but it was more than just that. The start of a new school year just feels like such a huge milestone and my tears weren’t just because I missed my house full of babies but also because I am so stupidly proud of them all.
I think having teenagers makes me realise just how quickly time flies once they start school. Terms fly by and before you know it another year has passed. That coupled with the fact that you are handing your precious babies over to the care of virtual strangers for the most part of the day is just heart wrenching. Not being there for every minute of their every day is so hard and that doesn’t get any easier the older they get. Well, not for me anyway. Learning to let go is a huge part of parenthood and it’s not something that I find terribly easy but I’m trying. Honest.
The children of course took their first day back in their stride. I really need to take a leaf out of their book. The little ones were excited to see their friends again and couldn’t wait to tell me all about their new teachers. And the teens both made the expected grunts about having too much work and their teachers being evil. Business as usual. But oh my godfathers that feeling of seeing them at home time after the longest day in history was just priceless. I missed them so much. It doesn’t matter how much your head tells you that they’ll be fine until you have them back in your arms, your heart just won’t listen. You need to know that they are okay, it’s not enough to think that they probably will be. It’s amazing just how much of my happiness is now completely dependant on the happiness of my children since I became a mother. They really are my whole world.
I’m so glad that this week has been a short week, for the children’s sake as much as mine. A nice three day week to soften the blow of being back to the grindstone for them and for me, three days of heartache to endure before once again having a full nest. Roll on three o’clock, Roll on the weekend….