As I dig out last years summer clothes, it’s such a good feeling to find that they no longer bulge at the seams. It’s nice to think that if I were buying them now, I would even try my luck with a smaller size. If only I was in a position to be buying a whole new wardrobe. No chance of that unfortunately. I’m just thankful that my refusal to believe that I really was that size meant that I was buying clothes that were at least one size too small for me at the time otherwise I would have nothing to wear now. As it is, I’m just passing my old dresses off as being meant to be slouchy. That’s a thing, right? Well I don’t have much choice so it will have to be!
The dress I pulled out today, I wore at Cybher last June. I bought it at the very last minute and threw it in my suitcase without much thought. It ticked all my boxes of basically being a big black jersey sack. It would do just fine. I realise now that I had become really quite good at disguising how fat I was getting. I remember getting dressed on the morning of Cybher and feeling like a bag of spanners. Lumps and bumps everywhere. The belt emphasising just how podgy my belly was not to mention my big fat derriere. But I was actually quite good at not giving a stuff too. Not a bad trait to have to be fair. Although somewhere at the back of my mind I must have given a tiny stuff as I thought ahead to that weeks What I Wore Wednesday blog post and contorted myself in the tiny hotel mirror to try to take a photo at the best possible angle in what was the worst possible artificial lighting.
That’s actually one of the annoying things about where I am now. I’m not quite there yet but with 21lbs and over 18 inches lost, I’m well on my way. But I have no real dramatic before and after pictures to show for it. I can’t resist scrolling back to find photos of me wearing the same outfits last year to compare. Vain, much? But there are hardly any unflattering photos to be found. It seems that I was really very good at the whole contorting myself in the mirror thing before expertly cropping out the lumpiest bits. Life through an Instagram tinted lens, huh? If only I had put the same effort into actually doing something about fighting the bulge earlier instead of hiding it. It wasn’t until October that I finally thought enough was enough (and of course it goes without saying that I haven’t looked back since!) Slowly but surely, I’m getting there.
So no, I might not have any dramatic before and after photos but I tell you something, I feel amazing. The best I have in years. But you’ll just have to take my word for it. No amount of contorting in a mirror can show you that I’m afraid.