The one where there is definitely NO elf on my shelf

As far as I am aware, the whole Elf on the Shelf thing started as an American tradition but in the last couple of years, it seems to have crept in over here too. Well, when I say crept in I actually mean snowballed out of nowhere and every other bugger has adopted this tradition as their own. Or at least every other parent blogger anyway. I blame Pinterest of course. The place is awash with that creepy little elf. And I’m sorry but he really is very creepy *shudder* But Pinterest has a way of bringing out a horrible competitive streak in some people and all of a sudden everything (especially everything elf related) has to be BIGGER! BETTER! FUNNIER!

I confess that I have never read the book that comes with this elf what with never having bought it. But from what I can gather, he arrives soon after Thanksgiving (which we don’t celebrate over here. Or at least we didn’t the last time I checked but hey ho.) Anyway he sits on your shelf but you absolutely must not touch him as his magic will disappear. (A toy that you can’t touch? Err yeah, that sounds like fun.) Then this little elf reports back to Santa every night to help him out with his naughty and nice list. (Because that’s not creepy at all is it? Never mind the whole blackmailing your kids into behaving or else you will cancel Christmas. Except you won’t. So an empty threat then? Oh.) Then in the morning, you find the elf in a slightly different position than you left him in the night before so that you know that he has hot footed it back to the North Pole while you were snoozing. (Is it just me that thinks remembering to do that every night would just be too much pressure? Heck I struggle to remember my own childrens’ names at times.) Then on Christmas Eve he goes back to the North Pole until next year. Joy.

Definitely no elf on my shelf (Mostly) Yummy Mummy BlogExcept of course when you throw social media into the equation, the whole thing goes a bit mental. Obviously the elf moving a bit wouldn’t make a very interesting photo on Instagram. Let alone a whole series of blog posts. Who is going to repin that lame picture? Oh no the tradition has morphed into a whole new beast. Oh look! Our elf has been caught in a compromising position with Action Man! Aren’t I just hilarious? No. No you are not. I mean seriously, whose benefit is this for? Your kids or your followers? Oh look! Our elf has emptied an entire box of icing sugar all over the kitchen floor and has made snow angels! You know that you are the one who will have to tidy that crap up right? And how does being naughty teach your kid anything? Either you are missing the point or I am.

Do you know what, I love that families adopt new Christmas traditions. I’m all for keeping that magic alive. Heck, isn’t the magic of Christmas one of the very reasons why we all have children?! But this blasted elf seems to have a way of bringing out an awful competitive streak in a lot of people. Not all to be fair. But when it does, it ain’t pretty. Can I just let you into a little secret though? There is such a thing as oversharing (I do realise the irony in a blogger offering such a nugget. Trust me.) But honestly, NOBODY GIVES A FLYING FIG ABOUT WHAT YOUR SODDING ELF GOT UP TO LAST NIGHT! Well, hopefully your kids do, I mean this is for them right? But I’m guessing that they don’t follow you over on Pinterest what with being three and a half and all?

You can get up to all the high jinx that you like but here’s the thing, you don’t have to share every single movement that your creepy elf ever makes. A revelation to some I’m sure. You don’t have to share your antics every single day with the whole wide world on Instagram (linking to Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr and Flickr just to cover all bases) before writing a daily blog post (and maybe even a weekly round up of the fun in a newsletter just in case anybody missed your eleventy billion updates.) Please please please spare a thought for the rest of us this Christmas. So no, there will definitely not be an elf on my shelf this year. Or any other year. In fact, I predict that by this time next week, I will have seen more elf pictures than any normal person should ever have to suffer in their entire lifetime. Ho ho bloody ho. I’m even considering setting up a support group over on Facebook, would you like an invite..?

(Mostly) Yummy Mummy Blog

20 thoughts on “The one where there is definitely NO elf on my shelf

  1. kbmanc says:

    Haha this post really made me laugh. Partly because you’ve said exactly what I’ve been thinking but also because I don’t think I’ve ever ‘heard’ (read) you rage quite so much 😃
    Go put some soothing tunes on whilst you set up that support group and put me to the top of your invite list please x


  2. dawnsgeddes79 says:

    Oh god I could have written myself. Is it just me or does it just seem to be a way to punish children without having to do any punishing yourself? It’s pretty anti Christmas if you ask me, having your children constantly on high alert in case the elf sees any naughty behaviour! Have some backbone and tell your children you don’t like their behaviour without threatening them with the creepy little elf!!! Arfghh! Rant over!! xxx


  3. Hannah says:

    Ha! This is excellent I despise that bloody elf and that elf take over rubbish. It makes a lot of people happy and a lot gave a whole new tradition which is fine go for it we all share our little traditions after all but I’m afraid this elf thing is just so not my cup of tea !


  4. Notmyyearoff says:

    It’s the eyes that make them so creepy I think. And I never get the whole being naughty thing all over the house but expecting the kids to be little angels. But oh so creepy!!!


  5. From fun to mum says:

    I was living under a rock and knew nothing about the elf…until G got given one for her birthday and now I’m struggling to figure out if I will let him come out or not. What I ustally do for advent is an angel that brings a new book every night so I might just merge the two things together…that said, I’m now very intrigued and scared to go and have a look at elves on Pinterest xx


  6. Susan Mann says:

    I think it can be a bit much. I have done elf on the shelf for quite a few years, buts he’s not the creepy hard faced one. It’s a teddy. My aunt who lives in the U.S. got it for the boys. They love it. I don’t do a post about it, but do put the odd one on Instagram. I don’t post many. I do love this post and your rant. Hugs x


  7. Linda says:

    It isn’t that I hate The Elf on The Shelf, last year on my FB page was an Overachieving Mommy (OM)who posted several times a day, with pictures, about what her elf was doing, and how wonderful she was for doing all these creative things. We all know she got them from Pinterest. When an underacheiving Mommy (UM) asked her where she got her clever ideas, OM said I just think of them and execute, (she is in marketing, her husband works away off and on). I posted, you can find all these ideas on Pinterest, only for UM’s benefit, not to be mean or rat out OM. OM sent me a scathing IM about maybe she did get them from Pin, but she had the wonderful talent to pull them off to make it special for her 3 year old son whose father is away alot for work, and she has to do it ALL herself. The more unsuspecting UM’s wrote raving accolades on her posts the crazier she got. Screaming “Validate me!! Validate me!! Which most of her posts scream anyway even in the “off season of the Elf” (Sorry I have a degree in Psych). Yesterday OM wrote, now that Thanksgiving is over I guess it is time for the Elf to come out. I blocked her until after Christmas. I cannot and will not in anyway let her pathetic OA drama touch my life. I just feel bad for all the UM’s out there trying their darndest to keep it together, and in their innocence unwittingly add to the validation machine. Thank you for allowing me to post.


  8. April says:

    Personally I think elf on the shelf is super creepy! There is something wrong with a parent who puts an elf head first into a martini glass for their children to find the next morning! Seriously what are you teaching those kids of yours lol!


  9. Menai says:

    Loved your post. Tee hee… We are going to try this one out but not to overshare. I think my Pinterest boards are just for me, really. We’re going Kindness-Elf route rather than Make-A-Mess Elf and yes, he’ll create more work for us all but I hope things that I think that we personally in our family should get our act together about at Christmas time anyway, like giving away toys and making presents for people. 6yo is already dubious about the magical element and 2yo is climbing the walls to try to get to the shelf. I rather think our days are numbered considerably fewer than 24…


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