The one that wasn’t meant to be

I applied for a job last month and I don’t think I realised just how much I wanted it until I didn’t get it. Typical, huh? I wasn’t even looking for a job I just stumbled across an opportunity quite by chance and went for it. It was completely out of the blue and it just felt like one of those times when fate had intervened to put an opportunity my way but it just wasn’t meant to be. Obviously.

(Mostly) Yummy Mummy BlogIt was only part time working a few hours a day from home but it would have used skills that I had in my previous working life while still fitting in perfectly with my current stay at home mama life. I don’t know why I was kidding myself thinking that the job could have been mine. Who in their right mind would employ somebody who has been out of the workplace for nine years? Nine whole years. That’s an awful long time, isn’t it?

I convinced myself that despite advances made in technology over those years, the core skills that I once had would still be relevant today. And that actually my blog, although it has only ever been a hobby not a career, has also taught me so many new skills over the last five years keeping me up to date with technology thus bridging that huge gap somehow. I now realise how silly my application must have sounded. And some gaps are just too big to ever be bridged. Ugh.

The fact is that I am happy at home playing housewife. It’s not for everyone I know but I honestly love being at home. All of my children are at school now and ever so often I will get a niggling feeling that I should go back to work. Maybe because society today really doesn’t value my role at home even if my family does. You can’t help but question your own choices sometimes even if you know that they are absolutely the right thing for you and your family.

There is no two ways about it, me being at home means that our family life runs like clockwork. Mr Mostly has three businesses and works all sort of erratic hours and there is no way that he could do what he does without me here keeping the home fires burning. And the children also need me at home. Between the four of them, there is barely a week goes by that they are all actually in school for starters! But I want to be here to raise my family and I make no apology for that. That is why this job opportunity would have been so perfect though, it was just a few flexible hours working from home meaning that I would have the best of both worlds. It was too good to be true, huh?

I guessΒ I always thought that I would go back to work one day. I just didn’t know when. And then when I stumbled across what seemed like a perfect job for me, I thought that time had come. But now being realistic I don’t know how I will ever get back into the workplace. This job just wasn’t meant to be and I’m sure there will be other chances along the way and I know how silly it must sound but this has really dented my confidence. Never mind. Onwards and upwards, eh?

(Mostly) Yummy Mummy Blog

24 thoughts on “The one that wasn’t meant to be

  1. Amanda Masters (@girlgonecoastal) says:

    Whilst it’s indeed a shame you didn’t get the job, I do feel these things happen for a reason.
    Like you I’ve been out the work place for a while, longer than I expected and now I wonder what on earth I can offer to anyone! Not sure my confidence would handle a rejection, eek!

    But the most important thing is that we and many other SAHP keep our homes ticking along and are valued by our families for making things that little bit easier for them. That’s not to knock parents who work outside of home, we all do our bit to make our own families happy.

    I love being a SAHP, but do at times wonder if I could be doing more, but we’re happy plodding along as we are so for now I’ll just enjoy the moment.

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  2. Head in Book says:

    You sound fed up, and I think you’re allowed to be. I don’t imagine for a minute that your application came across as silly: you’re right that your core skills will still be what they were, and that this blog will have given you lots of new ones. Maybe someone was already in place for the role and they had to advertise, maybe they just had a lot of applications and something edged it for those who got through. I am in almost exactly the same position as you, and it’s a never-ending attempt to square a circle. As you say, onwards and upwards; I am sure that there is a perfect job waiting out there for you if it’s really what you decide to go for x

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  3. M@Home says:

    I think that it is awesome that you can be at home! And I totally get how the world ‘frown’ upon it. People put too much identity into jobs and forget about who the person is. I find that at my age all my friends are falling pregnant and having to choose whether they will stay on at their jobs or take care of their children. I’ve had several situations where I realized just rather shut up in the future after I mentioned ‘wow imagine you can stay at home and bring up your own children’.. got hatred stares. So either people are jealous at the thought or cannot look beyond work. I trust you will find the perfect job if you want at the right time. But so cool that you can do what you are doing!

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  4. Emma says:

    I could have written that post as I feel just the same about working from home, running the house but also wanting to work. Tricky balance to strike but we don’t have your confidence knocked.

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  5. booandmaddie says:

    I don’t blame you for being disappointed, it’s part of the human condition to not be enamoured with the idea of rejection. However, you went for that job out of the blue, on a whim, to give it a shot. Which says HEAPS about your motivation, confidence, desires and understanding of your knowledge and ability. It’s more than most people would do who have been out of the workplace for that length of time. Hell, I’ve had my job for TWELVE years and I’m too scared to leave it for something else, I’m totally institutionalised (although I have tried in the past but no-one’s wanted to employ a married woman without children…discrimination is alive and kicking).

    If the something is meant to be, it certainly will. It just hasn’t been brave enough to stick it’s neck out there yet. Well done you for doing just that X

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  6. Alyson says:

    I felt just the same when I tried to get back to work, I felt completely irrelevant in the job market after years out. It didn’t help that I was trying to get into an entirely different field as well, each rejection bit deeper and deeper into my confidence to the point I just stopped trying. We couldn’t afford for me to stay off and maintain the same lifestyle so I ended up working for the husband’s family business starting off doing a bit of sales admin 3 days (school hours/term time), then marketing, then tender writing, then major account management and last week I’ve been told by Xmas I will be on the Board. I had to go back to the start and with a soft entry into the workplace to get so much further ahead. It maybe isn’t a bad idea to see if there is a bit of part time at your hubs business, so on the CV it shows you have been back in the workplace. Its not ideal but it helps bridge the gap, but then again it depends whether this is something you really want or just feel you ‘should be doing’ it comes across that you love being at home so don’t let your mind do a number on you. Take stock, it you want to you absolutely can and if you don’t then all power to you x

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  7. Lana Hughes says:

    What an interesting post. I find myself in a similar state of mind every so often – should I go back to work? I tried to have it all – to be the mummy I wanted to be and work as a full time secondary teacher – I pretty much started to lose my mind! I am a hands on mummy – fundamentally I need to know the children have done their homework, are eating nutritious(ish) meals and that they know mummy is here always to read to them, tuck them in and always listen to their worries. I realise that it can be a confidence knock when you don’t get a job but think of it as an opportunity that wan’t meant to be…when one door closes another one opens. There like be something exciting just around the corner….I LOVE your blog btw 😊

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  8. pottymouthedmummy says:

    It’s so tough getting back. I was only out of the work place for a year and it was so so tough coming back. I work in digital media so there had been so many developments and they all questioned my commitment. Annoying. I’m part time (2 days at home & one in the office) and like you, I adore being at home. People frown a bit at me as I used to be a career woman but honestly, being at home makes me happiest. Sorry you didn’t get the job and its knocked your confidence a bit xxx

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  9. Kate Takes 5 says:

    Even looking and apply for something like this is a move forward I think. Decisions like this take time and no matter what the outcome is there are pluses and minuses. Without one parent at home life becomes very difficult when you have young kids. There’s no hurry – just keep doing what you’re doing!

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  10. HelenW71 says:

    Please don’t feel silly that you applied or think that your skills weren’t relevant. The demand for jobs is HUGE, there’s a high chance that even if you were currently in employement you would still have been turned down.

    I can totally understand the pull of wanting to go back to work, even though you love being a SAHM. Would you consider some kind of training course, partly to update your skillset and partly to help rebuild your confidence? And of course it’s also the kind of thing that employers love to see on a CV. Please don’t think that you don’t measure up because you were turned down for this particular job, running a household with 4 kids of disparate ages frankly demonstrates better time management, admin processing & organisational skills than several courses put together!

    I am also a stay at home mum, something I never thought I would be. The choice was made for me to leave work long before Lia arrived when I was pensioned out of the job I loved on disability grounds over 10 years ago now. When I worked I’d always envisaged me going back to work and Mr W staying at home with a baby. When I got pregnant with Lia I realised that even if I had been at work I would undoubtedly have wanted to stay at home with her. And I’ve loved the time we’ve spent together over these early years and the bond we have. So although it wasn’t my choice I do love being a stay at home Mum now and it’s proved a huge silver lining to the whole becoming disabled situation.

    Hxx

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  11. Kate says:

    Love your honesty here Sarah x I am also a stay at home mum with both children at school and I love it. My husband regularly reminds me that without me being here king what I do, he wouldn’t be able to do his job well, he would worry about where and with who the children were for a start. However although I sound strong here I have far too many weak moments where I question my self worth and often worry about how I am judged by others, WHY! If we can afford for me not to work why the heck should I be embarrassed about it and constantly feel a need to justify it!? Whoa sorry I may have gone slightly off on a rant there,
    It’s a real shame you’ve had this knock to your confidence and I hope you bounce back soon xxx
    P.s. Anyway you can’t go back to work as we’d miss your blog!

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  12. Muddy mum says:

    Sorry to hear that.
    I dip in and out of employment, struggled with childcare while I had a decent job then lost it to budget cuts as they all started school! How ironic.
    Being at home certainly kills my confidence, I’m not currently seeking work but maybe I should. It’s nice to have a bit of time not being Mum all the time.
    Hopefully something even better will come along for you!

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  13. Justine Allen says:

    Onwards and upwards indeed Sarah! I’ve been in a very similar position. I’ve been at home for 8 years having stopped working when I went on maternity leave with our eldest. I used to work in law in the City of London and although loved it, the hours and lifestyle I knew would never fit around a baby and family life. We moved to the North of England 18 months ago and back in Sept last year I decided I’d like to go back to work part-time but suffered rejection after rejection for jobs I knew I could do standing on my head but the problem was this now huge gap in my CV. I kept trying though and have started a new job this week. Lovely company, the nicest people and all the flexibility I could ask for. It took ages and I did get down at times but now looking back, I’m glad I was rejected so many times so this one could come along! I’m a great believer that things happen for a reason and they’re the ones missing out on your skills. Something else will come along. Love your blog by the way and that Asparagus and Pancetta risotto is currently a big favourite in this house! xx

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  14. Jane says:

    I think it’s great that you can stay at home and look after everything there, although I understand the frustration at not getting the job. Sometimes I worry my CV will have a huge gaping hole where I’ve looked after my children and not worked (hoping to till they are both in school at least), as I do think it’s totally undervalued. I’m sure the right thing will come along for you when it’s the right time. It’s lovely to hear other mothers going through similar things, your blog is great! X

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  15. notsupermum says:

    It’s a shame you didn’t get it, but if you love being a SAHM and you don’t need to work then keep doing it! Maybe you’ll see another opportunity when the time is right, but don’t feel you ever have to apologise for your choices xx

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  16. Mrs Smith's Musings says:

    I really enjoyed your posting, not reading about you not getting the job but how you conveyed the importance being at home was to you and your family. I often feel like I am the whipping girl for S@HM’s as I know no other around me who actively made that choice and the sacrifices that come with it. I am 4 years out of the work place and I wonder what the future holds for me. I have been doing free courses from the Open University – currently doing a creative writing course for min 3 hours a week. They have so many courses available and this is doing my confidence wonders. Anyway, I’m babbling on in your comments box and thought I would share this.

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  17. Susan Mann says:

    I know what you mean, sometimes you don’t want something until you feel like it’s been taken away. There is something out there for you, something you will love and enjoy. It is around the corner and for now, you have all the amazing and wonderful things you do. Hugs xx

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  18. thethingsnotsaid says:

    I think it’s a wonderful gift for you and your family that you don’t have to work, and you are right, what you do to make your family life run smoothly is invaluable. Even the smallest number of freelance hours will change the way your home life works. Not necessarily in a bad way but speaking from experience, what starts out as a certain amount of hours generally evolves into cramming work into every orifice of your day and night! Don’t worry about your time out of work, I think your previous experience, your blog skills and talents and new perspective having been a SAHM will all be seen as assets to the right company. Or you could always start your own company :o)

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  19. From fun to mum says:

    Oh Sarah, I really feel for you. I went back to work between G and Roo after a 3 years break and even then it was hard to get a job that suited my skills. I guess the answer might be freelancing or starting your own business. Or hopefully someone will address this issue at some pint and create opportunities for more flexible work in future. Fingers crossed xx

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  20. tracykuhn says:

    I’m sorry you didn’t get the job but please don’t feel silly, and don’t underestimate yourself, it just wasn’t meant to be.
    Also, don’t dismiss the last 9 years as a hole in your CV, you may not have been out there in the world but you have certainly been developing valuable skills, also, you have made and raised actual people who will one day go out into the world and contribute on their own, and they’ll be able to do so with confidence because of what you’ve done.
    Once my youngest child started school a few years ago I applied for a job. It was the same kind of job that I’d done before having children and it fitted in with school hours and was perfect. I didn’t even make it to the second stage of interviews and I went home and cried.
    Then, a year after, something else turned up out of the blue, something completely different that I’d never done before but which also fitted in even better with my children and home life and means I can use my first love, writing.
    So carry on doing what makes you happy, and carry on blogging and when the time’s right something will turn up and you’ll be glad you didn’t get this job as it would have closed other doors for you. xx

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  21. Katie Haydock says:

    Your time will come lovely, don’t worry. You blog is your online resume and is totally relevant experience. It shows talent, intelligence and commitment.
    I’d hire you based on that xx

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  22. Alison @ Not Another Mummy Blog says:

    Ugh indeed – I feel for you. Rejection sucks, even when we do feel happy with what we already have. However, you not getting this job is clearly the right thing that is meant to happen, for whatever reason. It might be that it was just there to test the waters a bit, and get you thinking about the possibility of taking on some kind of part time work from home role. I think you’re awesome and it’s clear that you have so many skills that would be attractive to an employer. I think something else will come your way, and if it doesn’t then that means your role at home really IS what you’re meant to be doing! xx

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  23. mrsteepot says:

    The way you feel is totally understandable, it’s always hard to not get a job that you want. But please don’t feel that you have to go back to work, I know our society doesn’t appreciate home makers but you are needed in that role, and if you enjoy it like you say then you do it and don’t feel pushed into going back to work.

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