About a month ago now I went to my opticians just for a routine eye test and contact lens check up. I’m as blind as a bat and my eyesight tends to deteriorate every year which looking on the bright side, is always a new excuse for new glasses. But for my purse and my vision, not so good but you know, new glasses are new glasses. I have joked with my optician before about how long will it be until I am actually blind. Surely your eyesight can only get so bad before it goes altogether? But she just tends to smile and carry on flashing torches in my eyes.
So anyway, there I was going through the usual rounds of being prodded and poked. I had survived the bit where you have to look up, look down, look to the left, look to the right. I don’t know about you but the minute somebody asks me to look left or right it immediately feels like a test to see if I actually know my left from my right. And it seems that I don’t without thinking about it first and then that pause makes you look like you don’t know which is which. Maybe that’s just me though. Ahem. Then of course there is everybody’s favourite bit where they puff air into your eye at great force and ask you not to blink. DON’T BLINK?! It’s all I can do to stop myself from launching out of my seat! But the highlight for me is the peripheral vision test where you put your eye patch on, shove your head inside a machine and then click a button every time you see a light. For me this is like a test of my reflexes too and I click the button for one light but as I click another light appears, to the point that I can’t remember which light I was clicking for so I just keep on clicking to be sure. It’s all a bit too much pressure for a Tuesday afternoon to be honest.
So having survived all this and more I had just one final check up to go where my optician measured my pupils. All pretty standard stuff until she stopped and pulled a funny face then measured them again. And again to be sure. Apparently, one pupil was significantly bigger than the other and because this has never been picked up on before, she wanted to refer me the eye hospital. Only I could come away with such a random ailment.
Anyway I came home and of course the first thing I did was consult Dr Google. Possibly the worst thing you can ever do and if you ever come home from the optician with news of one pupil being bigger than the other, please don’t be an idiot like me and do the same. You’ll be planning your funeral by dinner time. So to say that the wait for my appointment at the eye hospital was a little nerve racking would be an understatement. As I sat in the waiting room earlier this week trying not think about what the stains on the carpet might be, all I could think about was all the food that I had never eaten. The proper afternoon tea that I’ve never had at Bettys. The button that I’ve never pressed for champagne at Bob Bob Ricard. The oysters I’ve never even tried. Imagine getting to thirty eight years old never having eaten an oyster?
Luckily I didn’t have a long wait and I was called in to see a nurse who went through my details and then on to see my consultant who was the loveliest man and even laughed when I told him that I didn’t even know which one was meant to be my poorly eye. It was my left apparently. And actually my optician thought that I had some rare disease affecting my nervous system that I can’t even remember the name of now. I thought I was hearing my fate right there and then. But and it’s a big but, he ruled that out almost immediately and said that my pupils were now constricting perfectly. He gave my eyes a full check up and was happy to discharge me without any further action needed. In fact, as he signed off the paperwork he said that I have beautiful pupils *flutters eyelashes*
I have to say that I am not somebody that takes my health for granted. I take better care of myself now than I have ever done but I can’t help but think that the years that I treated my body so badly for will still come back to bite me on the bum one day. Also I think when you have failing eyesight, it makes you very thankful for what little sight you have. I can’t see any further than my nose without glasses or contacts and it makes me feel really quite vulnerable. I have been desperately worried over the last month but thank goodness I was worrying for nothing. I can’t tell you just what a relief it was to get a clean bill of health. Despite the turmoil that I have been through, I will forever be grateful to my over cautious optician. And I promise never to consult Dr Google ever ever again. I should also do something about all that food that I haven’t got around to eating yet seeing as I am no longer about to kick the bucket…