Jeans shopping. Is there anything worse? Well, actually there is. White jeans shopping. With an eight year old and ten year old in tow. Oh. My. Godfathers. I thought jeans shopping was bad enough. This felt like some kind of extreme sport.
Obviously once I got it into my head that I needed a pair of white jeans, I had to have them there and then. I couldn’t wait until I could go shopping solo. I had convinced myself that I had a white jeans hole in my wardrobe. That if only I had a pair of white jeans then that age old dilemma of what to wear in summer on the not too summery days when you still want to feel summery would be no more. A pair of crisp white jeans would answer my biggest Great British summer fashion dilemma of all time. So off we trotted to Marks and Spencer.
I had in my mind that the jeans needed to be whiter than white and tighter than tight in the lightest stretchiest denim I could find. As it turned out, I was wrong diddly wrong on all counts but that wasn’t before I was locked in the smallest changing room known to man with two small children trying them on.
‘They are lovely Mummy they make your legs look like big fat sausages!’
‘Are they supposed to be that tight, Mummy?’
‘Can your legs still breath Mummy because they really don’t look like they can breath?’
‘Oooh I can see your knickers in those ones, Mummy!’
‘Are they supposed to be see through, Mummy? Because they look really really see through.’
‘Are you sure you picked up the right number, Mummy? I am 10 and I don’t even think these would fit me and you are much older than me.’
‘This day will be forever stored in my long term memory bank.’
I think that last nugget is a reference to the Inside Out film but I can’t be sure because I have never stayed awake until the end. I’m just hoping that it isn’t something to tell their shrink about in years to come. Oh and then we were attacked by a giant moth just to make the experience even more fun. There we were, stuck in a tiny cubicle that was getting hotter by the minute and a moth appeared from nowhere. I had one bug obsessed child trying to catch it to keep it as a pet and one screaming in case it touched her hair. I think she was confusing moths with bats. All the while, I was trying to peel these damn jeans off that were stuck fast around my ankles. I never knew that I had such big ankles until I tried to take a pair of skinny jeans off in a hurry.
Five pairs of jeans later and the moth now thankfully disappeared to wherever he came from, I had had enough. I honestly didn’t realise just how fussy I was until it came to getting the right pair of white jeans. Obviously jeans shopping is tricky anyway – getting the right fit and rise – but white jeans shopping also comes with whole new problems like gold buttons being too gold and the cut of the pockets being all wrong. I think the secret here is definitely in trying them on. In the end though, I fled the changing room and picked up a pair that was the complete opposite of what I thought I wanted and bought them to try on in the comfort of my own moth free bedroom. I went for a relaxed skinny in a heavier off white denim with a turn up cropped leg and absolutely no embellishments or zips or rips anywhere.
I think I like them.
My eight year old said the sausage leg ones looked much nicer. Pah! What does she know? She wears socks with sandals!